Starting a New Life Abroad

I just wanted to say ‘Happy Birthday’ to you.
But I don’t know what I should say next.
I don’t know what wishes I shall hope for you to come true.
I don’t know what dreams I shall pray for you to be granted.

I just wanted to say ‘Happy Birthday’ to you.
But unlike those many months before now, this time I can’t tell you that a birthday present from me is on its way to you.
Because it’s not.
Because I don’t know what to give you.

I just wanted to say ‘Happy Birthday’ to you.
I wanted you to have a great day, wherever you are.
Because I really don’t know where you are now.

I just wanted to say ‘Happy Birthday’ to you.
Then I asked myself whether my words mean anything to you any more.

I just wanted to say ‘Happy Birthday’ to you.
But I don’t know whether you wanted me to.
Things that happened recently have given me doubts in saying words that used to flow out of my mouth

naturally, without any pretence or resistance.
Now I’m scared of saying things to you.
I’m terrified.

But…
As much pain as this will cause me, I’m just going to say this.

Happy Birthday.
I do wish for your happiness.
I do wish for your health.
I do wish for your success.
Although I don’t think I understand who you are and what you want any more.

Happy Birthday.
I secretly wish for the happy, friendly and loving you to return.

Happy Birthday.