Starting a New Life Abroad

I just finished my lunch and now my stomach hurts.

No, it’s not from food poisoning.

I’d just been laughing too much.

………

One colleague of mine, an energetic witty woman who just turned 40, gave us a show when a wasp entered the dining room where we had our lunch. She looked at the buzzing it intensely and kept saying, "Don’t come near me! Stay away!"

She suddenly left the room and came back with a fly swatter from her desk.

It was the most lame-looking fly swatter I’ve ever seen in my life!!!

She ran after the poor lost wasp in such vigor, waved the swatter in all direction and said, "Go! Leave! We’ve already killed your mate. There. Do you see it? Off you go now. I don’t want to kill you too!"

I had tears in my eyes from watching her in action like that.
After the wasp flew off the window, she said to everyone in the room, "See? It listened to me! No need to get all worked out on a tiny wasp."
*LOL*

I was still trying to get my breaths back when another colleague shared a story about a nudist mate of his who were worried about the safety of his children because of paedophiles roaming around the nudist beaches and/or pools.

WTF!!!

It’s like a statement full of oxymorons!

I returned to my desk and found out that I’d received an email for a colleague who moved to a different department last year.

The email came with an attachment of pictures of door signs, decorated with sentences and supporting images printed on them:

1. I don’t skinny dip, I chunky dunk.

2. I only have a kitchen because it came with the house.

3. I’m not 40 something. I’m £39.95 plus shipping and handling.

4. I don’t have hot flashes. I have short, private vacations in the tropics.

5. If it’s not one thing, it’s your mother.

6. A balanced diet is chocolate in both hands.

7. I have PMS and ESP, that makes me a bitch who knows everything.

8. I gave up jogging because my thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.

9. Food has replaced sex in my life. Now I can’t even get into my own pants.

10. They lied hard work has killed lots of people.

11. I was born free, now I’m expensive.

The sender was a woman with two children in her early forties.

She wrote that she specifically loved #1.

How I adore her to bits.

I personally like #8.

………

And now together, my comedian colleagues and I, are praying hard for the thunderstorm which is yet to come and begging for strength to face another heat wave in August.

Bless us.