A Message in a bottle
I feel nauseous. Dizzy. Weak
But this message needs to be sent
Not long ago.
I was waiting.
I took my chance.
The big step.
My expectation was non-existent.
I got hurt.
So so bad that I could not compare it with any other bad experience i’ve got.
So so terrible that i could not cry when it happened.
Not until much later.
But I decided.
Trust, that i could not give.
Not yet.
The benefit of the doubt, that I could offer.
a new chance.
those wonderful and fantastic feelings it has brought.
I asked for patience. As I was and am still scared.
This place has become so strange to me that I feel out of a place.
That I ask myself, do I deserve to be here?
That I look for answers, what should I do?
I try reaching out with my hands as if my eyes could not see.
See nothing. Touch nothing. Hear nothing.
As if this place is a blackhole.
I feel lost.
Although I have been here before.
Although I used to be familiar with the rules.
But I have not been here for a long time.
Most importantly, I have not been here, ever, with you.
I had forgotten…
That falling in love would take this much effort, time and energy.
But I had not forgotten…
That being truly in love should not require such effort, time and energy.
Or it should?
I am looking forward to remembering.
I am looking forward to walking up from this amnesia.
I am looking forward to moving forward with you.
But I will need you to help me.
Help me need you like need me
Be honest.
Be sure.
Can you trust me?
I am ready.
But I need you.
can’t you feel my heart send its wishes and love?
is it so hard for you to believe that i am all yours now?
find me now.
I feel so weak.
Look for me this very second.
Before my heart loses its voices.
Before chances lose their meaning.
Before it is too late
