Starting a New Life Abroad

eNak Jg ya jd anak kost

seharian gw tidur mulu

hmmmmmmmm, coba ada yg nemenin kekekekeke

I was emotionally exhausted. Day after day, night after night, continuously. I learned. I was shocked. I felt so fatigue. I got angry. I screamed What The Fuck! In the end, I justified everything by saying, "Anything for a little bit of masochism and sadism to spice my life, yes! A piece of equilibrium needs to be achieved."

Thursday was something else. The morning didn’t start so well, even when I was still at home.

A project update meeting at 10, with a bunch of morons from the government. Ten minutes before the meeting, an invitation to go online was received. My moods were inexplicable. Torn between breaking the office window by throwing my coffee cup or just clawing my skin deeply with my own fingers till it bleeds. Turns out that I wasn’t really suicidal.

Then I attended the real meeting where I soberly realised how insanely A LOT, things that I’ve gotta to do for this project. Specifically, a lot of academic writings.

I could really earn a PhD for this. But anyway, thank fuck the meeting went civilly. I love my boss.

Then another chat before lunch time followed right after the 10-11 o’clock meeting.

Wheee… I rode another painful rollercoaster with sharp thorns on its seats! It ended quite nicely, though. Somebody caught me when I fell. No casualties. Thank you. Fiuh… Later on at

2 o’clock

I joined a long and tiring research meeting until almost 4. I went home right after coz I got a headache and my eyes felt funny coz I forgot my eyedrop. At 5 I was out again to do some food-shopping. Evening was spent quietly with a good chicken meal that I cooked wholeheartedly after making my fridge full again.

Today has been… so so. Morning was spent by preparing some report stuff for my boss but nobody had seen him around all day. Thinking that he might show up in the afternoon, at

10ish

I thanked him via email for lending me a cd-rom that I needed. Just before lunch time I got a reply from him saying that he would work from home and wouldn’t come to the office. That means my meeting with him got cancelled. Argh! Since I didn’t expect for a quiet Friday after yesterday, so what did I do?

I miss someone terribly. You know who you are. Damn you for making this biyatch know that he’s got a heart. A dark rotten one but still, he’s got one.

OK, I’m starting to get a little off the track here. I should just go. I’ll gather all my stuff, get my bag and go!

Looking forward to a short trip that I may make to see my mates.

Have a fun weekend.

PS. To those who want to add me on Friendster, please message or email me first and tell me who you are (and how we know each other, in case I don’t remember). I will not add people I don’t know to my friends list nor hesitate to reject anyone. Thank you.

I feel nauseous. Dizzy. Weak

But this message needs to be sent

Not long ago.

I was waiting.

I took my chance.

The big step.

My expectation was non-existent.

I got hurt.

So so bad that I could not compare it with any other bad experience i’ve got.

So so terrible that i could not cry when it happened.

Not until much later.

But I decided.

Trust, that i could not give.

Not yet.

The benefit of the doubt, that I could offer.

a new chance.

those wonderful and fantastic feelings it has brought.

I asked for patience. As I was and am still scared.

This place has become so strange to me that I feel out of a place.

That I ask myself, do I deserve to be here?

That I look for answers, what should I do?

I try reaching out with my hands as if my eyes could not see.

See nothing. Touch nothing. Hear nothing.

As if this place is a blackhole.

I feel lost.

Although I have been here before.

Although I used to be familiar with the rules.

But I have not been here for a long time.

Most importantly, I have not been here, ever, with you.

I had forgotten…

That falling in love would take this much effort, time and energy.

But I had not forgotten…

That  being truly in love should not require such effort, time and energy.

Or it should?

I am looking forward to remembering.

I am looking forward to walking up from this amnesia.

I am looking forward to moving forward with you.

But I will need you to help me.

Help me need you like need me

Be honest.

Be sure.

Can you trust me?

I am ready.

But  I need you.

can’t you feel my heart send its wishes and love?

is it so hard for you to believe that i am all yours now?

find me now.

I feel so weak.

Look for me this very second.

Before my heart loses its voices.

Before chances lose their meaning.

Before it is too late

How I’ve missed blogging.

Writting is indeed one of my hobbies.

But i guess when you’ve got a rather addictive new infatuation, the old stuff gets forgotten. It’s the basic rule of survival of the fittest.

Duh udah senin lagi.

Tadi bangun pagi susaahhhhhh banget, tapi akhirnya kebangun juga jam 6 gara2 keringetan.

Knapa sech hari senin selalu menyebalkan.

Well I had a good weekend

Met a lots people

Had surprise visit and got nice gift

Had good lough also……

So probably that’s why it’s hard for me to go back my routines

Ah ngga terlalu ngaruh sich kalo dipikir2

Even when I only had ordinary weekend

Still it was hard for me to face a Monday.

SATURDAY

Anyway ….mari bercerita tetang akhir pekan

Lotsa things happened, that’s for sure.

With no intentions to boast let me tell you that I’ve been busy and am still busy and suprisingly I’ve been enjoying all this hectic schedulles and emails

I’ve always known (and been known) that behind this innocent face there is a masochist hidden inside

*suddently feels sick of myself*

Sabtu kemaren gw lembur, tapi ngga logon ke network which means I didn’t touch my compie, gw malah ke Thamrin *still business related* n ngga disediain mobil kantor pulak.

Untung bareng 4 kurcaci yang pada gila lemburan, awalnya sich mw pake taxi, tapi berhubung keceplosan liat busway yang ngacir dan jaraknya yang cuma selemparan upil trus 2 orang laennya emang pada belum ngerasain nikmatnya naek busway…….*kacian de looo hari geneee blon naek busway juga* sampe akhirnya jadi juga pergi ke Thamrin pake busway

Long story short, karena gw lebih gesit naeknya n lainnya jalannya lambreta, tanpa gw sadar mereka ditahan oleh petugas di pintu busway disuruh naek bus yang berikutnya…..mas2 pake bus yang dibelakang ya…..da da ba bayyyyy….gw naek duluan…..weks gw ngga tau mau turun dimana, hehehehe nangis lah kekekekek (kibul)

Whua ha ha…..gw ngeliat mereka ngetawaain gw….i coundnt recall their funny face with large mouth open laughing at me…..

Went back home at

7pm

……huh so bloody tired.

FRIDAY

Couldn’t think

Couldn’t write

Couldn’t’t read

Didn’t wanna go to work

I just wanna lay down.

Did I really have to work that day?

Anyway…..been terribly busy, busy and happy and stressed.

Everything ‘s all mixed up to make good spices of life.

But finnally gw bisa napas sedikit karena jumat last week sudah berhasil submit semua essays.

Although I’m still gonna have 2 exams in a couple of weeks.

I’ve done the best I could to make myself happy in this past week relieving from the constant stress of being chased by deadlines.

Tidur cuma 2 jam gara2 when I tried to compose the references (lagi2) I forgot from which journal articles I quoted this fact or that data and those stats *sign* but at least I slept quite sound later on.

Anyway…..lets move on.

The presentation started at

1 pm

I didn’t have the guts to be the first one, for sure I give mine at 2.

It went GREAT!

The lecturer gave the other students some comments and questions, but not to me!!!

He said, “ EXCELLENT! You’ve very much covered everything, I have nothing to comment.”

He he he ….. sumringah donk gw.

Some people from my class asked me to go to EX…but I said I’d catch up with them later.

Went back to my kost2an, later after break, somehow I couldn’t reach my friend’s mobile who went to EX..

I lost the mood and decided to stay home for the night.

Read a new book until 1.

Euch…. I mean a second hand book with a terrif quality. Ben Elton : Dead Famous.

I’m still half away thru it now.

It’s got dark humor, and funny irony.

It’s about a murder investigation at a reality TV show.

Semalem gw refisi tugas, berhasil bisa pas 500 kata.

Tapi sayangnya belum gw print…..tinta abizzz,

Jadi, mau ngga mau gua harus print ASAP di kantor.

That’s why I’m now in the office….hehehehehe

Jangan bilang boski yee…

Damn, it was really hard for me to start writing to anouth assignment.(emang lo doank D yang banyak assignment???) hehehehe

I actually have written 540 words, and references are not included (there are another 2 pages for the references only)

Dasar kamu memang dasarnya bawel Ya’!!!!

Let us go back in time a little, when I was stuck and my head was fill of emptyness I ussually send any sms/txts to my friends (mostly they’re all on FS list)

I dunno why all of them are being so nice to me, even we’re never met each other……hmm chemistry is playing role here.

But now … I felt sad….so sad, 1/2/3/4/5 of them never replyed my texts again……hmmm “gw tw diri kok” I hate that sentence”

Hope he/she read this message….ya sudahlah cukup nge”bullshit” nye, bisa geer tu orang….hehehe kidding lage nech.

I will show my anime sometimes, somewhere in the future.

Hmm, I did my laundry yesterday and YEEASSSSSS!!!!!!

Everything I put in that darned machine got dry,

Bloody hell, some english stuffs can actually work !

Badan gw sedikit anget.

Tenggorokan gatel, yes….. I thing I’m coming down with a cold…..again ….again

I took a a neozep a couple of hours ago, jadi semoga tidak parah…..dad pls cure me.

Kayaknya gara2 2 malem ini gw gagal tidur dengan normal.

I was wide awakt until 3 or

4 am

and then when I was finally able to sleep, my so-called biorhytm woke me up at 5 or

6 am

, which means I only slept for 1 to 2 hours in the last couple of days. Bummer. Bener2 ngga tau kenapa jadi kacau begini.

Gosh, how I wish I could erase some hours of the last from the back of my head. Yeach quiet predictably, it had something to do with my study.

Tapi malemnya cukup menghibur, sms2 gw yang ngga nyampe ke T finally delivered and he did reply with I donnu it’s romantic and made me unable to erased…hmmmm

Heard he just went back from Spore after having horrible medical checked up…..och dear what’s wrong with you……was it because of me???? Pls…

And the bad things was some1 never reply my sms…..so sad sad sad…..ech tadi udah ya. Heheheheh

But I got new friend “N” who helped me out of blue , he’s friend of mine also.

Sorry N my english as bad as fucking hell

An expected call woke me up….lovely

It was really lovely

I didn’t mean to be sarcastic.

After the call I tried to get some sleep again, stayed restless, finally headed to the small pantry for make”Indomie”

Man, the headache!!!!

Called home late at night and my mood has returned to normal after hear my mom and dad voices….Lov y’all

I want to back in time to called someone who successfully turned me into lunatick who enjoyed laughing his ass off

It was really good talking and swearing with u….thanks, you know who u are.

PS : Sorry U know my bad writing pattern

PPS : Goddammit !!!

          One of my boses just popped on my cube, it wouldn’t be so socked if my LCD screen wasn’t displaying FS, YM, Amazon….unprofessional huhhhhh