I’m a bad friend and that’s the fact!
One of the goals that I listed on my list was be a better friend and email/phone/see friends on regular basis.
Below was the entry I wrote for the goal:
"I know that being away from my home shouldn’t be an excuse to lose touch with my old friends. But with a lot of things had happened along the way, the situation almost seemed unavoidable. I’ve lost some friends and gained some, but those who keep showing that they care, have made me realise that I’m lucky. I’m gonna keep trying! :)"
Sounds too text-bookish?
Well, the truth is…
I brilliantly suck at keeping in touch.
Gue tipe orang yang ngga berasa bothered kalau temen menghilang, if I spend most of my time alone, kalau gue ketinggalan berita.
Yang terakhir itu, kadang masih suka ngeganggu. Perhaps coz being social is a human nature. Jadi kadang a nagging feeling masih suka nyelip kalau misalnya gue denger berita tentang si A ngapain telat banget dan dengernya dari orang ketigabelas.
Dulu, jaman-jaman baheula, maybe 5-10 years ago, gue selalu bilang,
"Gue lebih rela keilangan pacar daripada keilangan temen."
Tsaaaaaah.
Cinta teman. Sayang teman.
Mendingan ngga punya pacar daripada ngga punya teman.
I could never imagine to live in this world without my friends.
This notion made me think, I guess those were the days when recognition from my significant others meant a lot.
Sekarang…
Ngga berarti gue jadi lebih rela keilangan temen daripada keilangan pacar.
Ngga punya dua-duanya ngga terlalu berarti buat gue sekarang ini.
Gue cuma butuh jari-jari di satu tangan untuk ngitung berapa banyak orang yang bener-bener gue anggap precious.
Those whom I long to see.
Those whom I can be with without any pretension.
Those whose names pop into my head so quickly when my conscious says that I need an advice about something. Anything.
For one, gue berprinsip, "Gue ngga takut keilangan temen. Think rationally. Friends do come and go. Those whom you call as friends do stab you in the back and leave you."
Different ideas, different attitudes.
Things happen.
Good shit, bad luck.
New people. New goals.
Even with those who’ve known me for years, I still have a clash every now and then.
Lo pikir lo selalu bisa adjust your principles with your friends’?
Oh, come on.
Ngga akan selalu bisa sejalan.
Apalagi kalau konfliknya udah terlalu parah dan ngga bisa compromised.
So if I had to, I would walk away.
I might look back one day, have regrets and ask myself, "Why?" but I would have still walked away.
Tentunya, gue masih butuh apresiasi dan rekognisi dari orang-orang terdekat gue, tapi…
I can’t please everybody.
I don’t want to.
This is my life.
And this whole thing relates to my other goal in list never apologize for being me.
I’ve been doing it and it’s worth it.
Entry gue buat goal itu:
"It’s me and my life, isn’t it? Tho sometimes it’s still hard when it comes to family-related issues. I guess my Malay roots have something to do with it."
*have a break*
*have a thought or two*
*silence*
*dead silent*
After I reread what I wrote above, I feel like I’ve just declared myself as the world’s most cold-hearted bitch.
Well, maybe I am. Or not.
But this cold-hearted bitch still knows when to be grateful and to appreciate what he’s got. When to love others who love his back.
Dua hari lalu, gue masukin "be a better friend and email/phone/see friends on regular basis" sebagai salah satu goal gue.
Hari ini, gue…
*sigh*
Postingan ini makin ngga jelas arahnya kemana.
I know one thing though…
I know I’m a bad friend and I’m not sorry for being one.
But in the future, I will try to be a loyal bad friend.
So now if you’ll excuse me, I have messages and emails to reply.
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